You Want To Put What?! Where?! Why?!

When I was 10 years old, I was embarrassed to inject insulin in public.  I'm not entirely sure about my motivation.  Maybe I didn't want to have to explain to people what the syringes were for.  Maybe I didn't want to expose my stomach to a crowd of curious peers.  Especially since back then I was using the vial and syringe method of delivery.  I would do anything to avoid it.  Hide out in the bathroom.  Inject hours later than I was supposed to.  Get picked up early at sleepovers.  I don't think it was good for my health.  Or my self-esteem.

But by the time I was 16, injecting in public was a party trick.  I would pull out a needle without preamble, draw up my insulin and stab myself in whatever body part was most exposed.  The gasps of onlookers just spurred me on, and I would grin, snap of the sharp, and toss everything into my backpack.  Sometimes new friends were impressed.  Sometimes they were just scared.  But it was easier than hiding in a bathroom, and almost a way of shoving it their face.  "I'm diabetic, and I DARE you to ask me about it."

When I was 22, and I'd been diabetic for over a decade, I thought little of the daily routine involved in managing my care.  It was neither a source of embarrassment or a way to meet new people.  But one day on a lunch break at work, I pulled out glucometer and my insulin pen (for which I'd gladly turned in my old fashioned syringes) and checked my blood sugar and gave myself an appropriate dose.  Another young woman - a co-worker - sharing my eating space started to shriek.  I mean, really shriek.  "Please," she said. "Don't ever do that in front of me again."  I was appalled.  Offended.  And more embarrassed than I had been in years.  I called my mom, and you know what she told me?  She said, "You tell that girl that you never begrudge the fact that she has the NERVE to make her own insulin in front of you, and you've never asked her not to do it."

Now that I'm -ahem- in my 30's, I administer insulin bionically.  And I'm actually proud of that.  I feel like the Inspector Gadget of diabetics.  And I look for any excuse to flaunt my insulin pump in public.  Sometimes, I might even eat a few Mentos, just to show it off.